The 2-Minute Movie Review – “Hellboy” (the reboot)

I admit, before seeing the movie I really didn’t see a good reason why a reboot of Hellboy was called for. Kind of like with the ‘Amazing Spider-Man’ movies. Unfortunately, unlike the Amazing Spider-Man reboot which was at least entertaining (though unnecessary), there just wasn’t much to like with the new Hellboy.

The movie seemed to rely too much on blood and gore effects and profanity because… well… ok, I guess just because. And the screenwriter and/or director seems to get a weird thrill out of eyeballs being messily destroyed or showing gaping eye-sockets, because there’s a lot of that. So much that you wonder what these people have against eyes.

Now that could be forgiven if the story was interesting. Unfortunately, the story and the screenwriting was weak. The villain wasn’t very scary OR interesting, it was hard to feel much for any of the main characters, and with a handful of exceptions the lines the characters and villains had were either mediocre or simply SUCKED. David Harbour as Hellboy was entertaining at times but it felt like a lot was missing, and I feel most of that was due to the questionable script. The sad thing is you know some of the main actors are solid performers from their previous work (as one only recently exposed to Stranger Things, I strongly feel that Harbour was wasted on this film). But I guess one can only do so much with bad writing. I suspect it was only through the efforts of some of the actors that the movie turned out to be remotely watchable AT ALL.

The face I made during much of this movie. The kind of face where you think you smell poo, but aren’t 100% sure…

To sum up, it just felt like a movie written for 13-year-old boys who want a comic book movie with a lot of gore and profanity. Nothing wrong with those things in and of themselves, but without a decent story or script all it amounts to is half-interesting eye-candy. And while I’m only mildly familiar with the original comics, I’m pretty sure devout fans of the comics might burst a blood vessel out of indignant outrage when they see it. So if you have no expectations and have NOTHING better to do (or like me just needed any excuse to get out of the house), feel free to catch a showing at your local 2-buck discount theater. Otherwise, just go see something else.

Rating: Better than being at work… barely.